one vent excuse from my cause.

So I made a commitment to be a good docile girl till the end of april, but as always, mom bombards in and ruins all my good efforts. Totally need to vent before a go punch a hole in the wall, get a bloody knuckle, and then regret it or do something else equally stupid just because I want to rebel. The fucking bitch needs to make up her mind. I listen to whatever the fuck she says even after she put me through all that hell and these are the fucking kind of games she plays with me. Then she goes blaming every little shit on me - well FUCK HER I've taken enough. I stood under the obligation of how she's my mom, how she gave birth to me so therefore I must understand her for every little crap she makes me deal with, and the obligation to love her. And this is the kind of little shit she pulls out from under me, after she says something to make herself look good and once I take her on her word, she finds a lame excuse to blow the whole cover on me because she doesn't really mean any single shit she says. She needs to stop talking like I can't do without her because, um, hello? For the past three and a half years I'VE TOTALLY DONE IT ALL WITHOUT HER. I don't need her crappy games to mess with my head and calculations to survive just so she can feel better or for her entertainment because she's got nothing better to do. Like, GTFO of my life if you're not going to help or even at least be still and not do anything. If you're trying to sabotage me at every single whim of yours, what makes you think I'm going to continue dealing with it? I've been patient and understanding, but you're doing this way too fucking often. & if you keep saying "oh this is the end" can you live up to it when you say it because I'm kind of sick of dealing with all your ups and downs and rearranging my life to fit you in just to find that you don't want any burden and you go off running again after saying a crapload of shit to make me feel like dirt and guilty and you can feel conscience-free.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8