iknowyouknow.WEknow..

The reason why this, between us, works, is not because of you, not because of me, but because fate just won't let us stay apart.

I know what's going through your head because I know you so well enough that your thoughts are all very obvious.

I'm not trying to break us apart.
I'm just being blunt.

I don't want to lose you.
I just need a break from you.

Because I don't like being dependent on you.
Because if I am then you'll take me for a fool.

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It seems like everyone's gotten used to me joking and laughing so much that when I'm serious and silent, they all think that I'm in a bad mood or that something happened. Well, heads up - I'm done with the clown act for now... it's exhausting in it's own way and your way of appreciating my efforts to make you laugh is to ridicule me and that's fine - but after a while you stop respecting me.

You think your words of reassurance will make me feel better... what sucks I see the through the superficiality - you're just treating me the way a stranger with give a lollipop to a kid.

I'm not a kid. I may act stupid but I'm not. I do get sick and tired of things.
Just because I'm no longer foolishly grinning in front of you doesn't mean I'm mad, sad, or angry. It just means I stopped caring about trying to make you laugh.

I have an issue with being alone; a lot of my antics probably also result because of that fear. Because clowns are always surrounded by spectators - they're never alone.

But it's about time I dealt with that issue.... and... I'm not about to let it become an obstacle in my path. I'm not alone. I have God.

greytruth.

If you loved me, you wouldn't treat me this way.
If you love me, why would you hurt me like this?

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shoved away.

I'm trying really hard.
I'm putting in a lot of effort.
I'm gritting my teeth.
I'm shoving it all away.

four guys one place?!

How the hell does my sister expect me to deal with the awkwardness with four guys from four completely different times of my life all together in one place?! I can't believe she's threatening our sisterhood for this.... I so do not feel like going......... and it's so precarious T_T fml...

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antagonist.

I just have to believe that I am the antagonist of this story.
From there, I'll be able to move forward and let go.
"To be purposely misunderstood", I never really understood that concept. But I realize that when you care enough, and when you just can't control yourself, you push yourself to that point of being misunderstood just so that under that veil of lies, you can breathe again, even only for just a moment.

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withdrawal.

Lord, give me strength to overcome.
Lord, help me endure.
The silence that frustrated me yesterday. The silence that brought me peace today. The silence that will help me empty away my burdens tomorrow.
I'm going to welcome it.
Get away from here.
Withdraw - because here, I'm not the strong person I used to be.

gold.

all is quiet.. all is calm.. rivers of gold flow from the setting sun to my fingertips..
my hands deftly dance among the threads of light that shrouds my fingers..
beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but majesty can only be held in the heart..
the azure blue sky.... sometimes powder light...
the gentle wind that brushes its grace along my skin..
how gracious is He who brings all such wonders to my small insignificant life..

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