empty voids.

i need directions. left? right? straight? proceed? stop? it's the cowardly cry for a rabbit hole i could run away through if anything goes wrong. if i'm not the one making choices, then i can always blame the person that gave me those directions.

i know i won't.

conscience. dratted. there's some really mean people out there. i envy them. i admire them. it's not that easy to be mean you know... yet they manage.

i'm being outrageous - it's sort of stemming from how i wish i could have the guts to be selfish and harsh. oh wait a moment.. i do..... what am i saying..... if i was a little bit more conniving... if i was a bit more manipulative. the whole world may see these traits as bad, but when it comes to getting through life, they could be valuable assets. pride and conscience aside, if i was capable of being like that without guilt trippin', life would be so much more easier.

i'm blabbing total nonsense.

i need to get out of here or take a class in philosophy where i could vent out all my confusing thoughts instead.

he might know. i decided not to care about it.

what's done is done....

as for...... the other headache...

i don't think i'm going to go. if he didn't ask, then i might've stagged it... but... he asked... i mean like, wow, wow, HE asked? cool! but... i really don't feel that it would be smart and i have that usual high suspicion of guys. ANYWAYS. SAVES ME SOME MONEY. i don't want to go.

chen's been begging me to go to the PI so i'll be needing to save up if i go with her anyways...

too many thoughts. goodnight.