Who sits alone... talking to the moon.
Doubts. Concerns. Fear. Dread. Frustration. Crinkled foreheads.
I get it. How everything's connected and how everything might cause a chain reaction through me - enough of a reason to hesitate before stepping forward. & plus... it might be my insecurites speaking out on this one, but.... who am I to matter? Everything's just tumbling out on my end. I keep a front up of gratitude and oh-I-know-it's-just-me.... But inside, my wishful thinkings overtake me and I start thinking... that I might be saying all that.. but in actuality I'm wrong and that I was just putting up a self-denial front and that something real was happening.
What hurts the most though.... are moments like now - when I realize the whole thing's just a foolishness running through my head - a one-man play. It really isn't self-denial, it's actually just that.. I'm alone right now in this whole game. [It makes me chronically depressed >_> lol jk].
Hey you. God. I wish you were as crazy about me as I am about you.
Hey you. God. I wish I can just be satisfied with just having you exist in my life & not get disappointed.
Hey you. God. Why couldn't you be here... not there? Why couldn't I have skipped a beat for someone possible?
Hey you. Yeah, I really do need to study. Yeah, I really can't keep you out of my head. Yeah, it freaks me out to think how it might freak you out whenever I verbalize my thoughts. It freaks me out to think how I might become a psychopathic acquaintance to you. Because that's exactly how I would think if a bland person I don't even like approached me and pulled all that... talk about creepy? Honestly, I swear, what the heck am I doing? Yeah... so hey... I'm holding back really hard because... I realized, it's not real. It's not reflective. &... the more I cling on, the less I'll even be able to keep you as a friend.
Confession wise... I can't think lightly on it after what happened with me.
I'm greedy for maturity... I hate the lying.
What am I putting myself through?
If I excuse myself away from you... will you start fading away after a while? You're too adamant...
When I saw two, I should've toppled two. At least sweetness exists there... at least... at least what? Maybe it's better this way.. I'm growing up & you're helping me.
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